Breakups are tough. Even if you weren't directly involved in a breakup, seeing your friends all broken down because of a breakup is an unfortunate sight to see. Lucky for them, you are there to cheer them up and help mend their broken hearts. Here are the best and worst ways to respond to your friend's breakup that will surely make them turn that frown upside down.
What You Should Say
1. “You Deserve So Much Better Than This”
Nobody deserves to get hurt when getting into a relationship. We all get into relationships wanting love and companionship. Breakups, especially messy ones, can shatter that dream. Let your friend know that they don’t deserve to get hurt, no matter what they personally believe.
2. “What’s Something That Would Make Your Life Just A Tiny Bit Easier Right Now?”
People who have just experienced a breakup are typically too heartbroken to do anything. Offer your help to your friend, whatever that may be. Maybe they need someone to help them with their food. Perhaps they need some help with their cleaning. Maybe they need to get their clothes to the laundry. Remember, a little goes a long way.
3. “This Is Not A Reflection Of You In Any Way”
Some people seem to think that breakups reflect poorly on them, but that’s not the case. Just because someone experienced a breakup doesn’t make them a bad person. That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love either. Always remind your friend that whatever happened is already in the past, and there’s still a future to look forward to.
4. “There’s No Need To Rush”
Some people need time after a breakup, while other people can instantly go on dates right after. Your friend may feel pressured to start dating right away, but if they’re not that kind of person, there’s no need for them to rush. They could still be grieving the relationship, so tell them that it’s okay to take it slow and grieve the way they want to.
5. “I Love You”
Even if your friend may not end up with their former partner, at least they still have you. You, their family, their friends, anyone that they have in their lives who loves them. After all, when we’re going through a breakup, it’s always nice to know that we are loved, especially by a dear friend.
What You Shouldn't Say
1. “Just Move On!”
This is probably the worst thing you can tell your friend who’s going through a breakup. Moving on, like many other things in life, is always easier said than done. Some people are good at it, others, not so much. Regardless, you simply shouldn’t say this at all. Your friend is still grieving, and the least you could do is respect that.
2. “Maybe You’ll Still Get Back Together”
There’s no need for false hopes right now. Sure, this could make your friend feel better at the moment, but keeping them hoping when there’s hardly any hope left for a relationship is more harmful than anything. Your friend will only get more heartbroken and more hurt later on if they don’t end up together.
3. “I Know Exactly How You Feel”
All breakups are different, so this isn’t a good thing to say to a grieving friend. What they feel now may be totally different to what you experience. Maybe you weren’t too hurt then about your own breakup, while your friend’s heart is tearing into pieces. By comparing your two scenarios, you could be triggering your friend without even knowing.
4. “Why Are You Still Not Over It?”
This is a very insensitive question to ask anyone who’s hurt, sad, or grieving. Some people take a long time to grieve, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Asking them why they’re still not over the situation is very tone-deaf and may even cause them more pain.
5. “You Will Find Someone Else”
We have to admit that this is technically a true statement, and there should be nothing wrong with that. However, your friend may not have moved on yet from their former flame. They may not even want to think about being with someone else. By bringing this up, you may only make them more hurt because they will think back to how they only wanted their partner before the breakup. It’s just better not to say it at all.